It's hard to dance with a devil on your back (So shake him off)
by snowcaitlin
Summary: Highschool AU / Caitlin Snow, a depressed and self-destructive teen who thinks nothing can make her feel better anymore and her brother Cisco move to Central City in order to start a new life and leave their past behind. In her new school, she meets Barry Allen, the typical popular boy who seems really interested on breaking down her walls. He's and hero, but can he save her?
1. Chapter 1: Introduction

_Hey, mom._

 _I really miss you. I'm sorry I haven't written to you in a while, I have been… busy with everything that has been going on in our lives lately._

 _Right now, I'm sitting on the floor of my room. My empty room. All our things were already taken by moving truck this morning, but I wanted to take a moment to say goodbye to the place where I spent the last 16 years of my life. This little room where you used to come at night to leave a little goodnight kiss on the tip of my nose and say how much you love me. I will really miss this place, but I think there are more bad memories here than good ones. So maybe it's the best._

 _Today, we are finally moving to Central City. I heard they have a hero in that city. His name is The Flash, and he is super-fast. Its seems like really strange things happen there. There are always bad guys trying to hurt people, but this Flash seems to catch them all. Cisco is dying to see him in action. Can you believe things like that happen? It's hard for me to. It just sounds like a really bad movie._

 _Cisco and dad seem pretty excited about getting away from here, they keep saying how it will change our lives, how we are going to start a new life and everything will be better. But I don't believe that. Honestly, I don't believe things will ever get better. Not for me, anyways. But I don't want to make them feel bad, so I just smile and pretend that I believe them. I'm not sure if they fall for that, but whatever. I just want them to be happy. I don't care about myself. I know I will never be happy anymore._

 _Sometimes, I think I'm just getting close to the edge, you know? I don't know for how long I can still pretend everything is just fine. I think that one of these days I might just wake up and finally say ''I'm done''._

 _I'm running out of time, so I better cut this here before I start get all suicidal with you. We have a long way to Central City and I just want to sleep. I'll write to you soon. I don't want you to miss anything in my life. Not anymore. So, until next time._

 _Love,_

 _Caitlin._

"Caitlin, come on! You're taking too long and dad's getting mad. " I hear the voice of my younger brother, Cisco, calling me from the other side of the door. He doesn't really come into the room. Cisco knows me better than anybody in this world, and he knows when I need to be alone. He has always give me the space I need, and I wish I could say the same about my dad. I am kind of glad he sent my brother instead of coming himself, because I'm sure he would have just stumbled into the room to take me.

"I'm coming. " It's all I said as I slowly get up from the floor, closing my diary and putting it back into my backpack. I take a last look at my childhood room, saying a silent goodbye before opening the door, finding my bother standing there waiting from me.

"You need to stop trying to make dad mad. Seriously. " Cisco says with a loud sigh, taking my hand as we walk together to the exit of our old home.

"I wasn't doing that. I was just writing. I don't care if he gets mad at me, anyways. " All I get as a response from Cisco is another sigh, so I don't say anything else. I know he doesn't like when my dad yells at me because of the way I act, but I'm so resigned with everything I just don't care.

We get out of the house, already seeing the annoyed expression of my dad while waiting from us to get into the car. As we do, he just starts driving without saying a world. Its better like this. I prefer him to ignore my existence to him yelling at me. I got used to his indifference towards me.

I look at the window of the car, seeing the place where I grow up getting lost in the distance. I don't feel sad. And I don't feel happy either. I don't see going to a new city as an opportunity. I don't really think anything will change. I will probably still be Caitlin, the loser who doesn't have any friends and is always alone in her own world. But at least I have Cisco, right?

As I close my eyes, hoping to fall asleep, I try to imagine myself being happy. Laughing, or just smiling. But it just doesn't seem realistic.


	2. Chapter 2: The boy with the dogs

**A/N: Again, sorry for my bad english!  
**

* * *

 _Hey, mom._

 _So, yesterday we arrived to our new home in Central City. I have to admit; this house is really pretty. It is bigger than our old house. I even have a bathroom in my own room, how cool is that?_

 _We are really tired, so dad left us skip school today. But we have to go tomorrow so we can see the school and get our classes, but I really don't want to go. I wish I could just stay home all alone until I die or something, but I know I can't do that. I have to keep going with my life pretending I'm not a failure. I just hope I can ignore everybody in school and they ignore me back. That's better than having some bitches making fun of me like back home._

 _Anyways, I need to go down to have breakfast. I don't know what I'll do today yet, I guess I will just sleep or read something._

 _I'll write to you soon, mom._

 _Love,_

 _Caitlin._

I close my notebook, letting a sigh escape from my lips. I'm not really hungry, but my dad is going to work and he likes us to have breakfast together before he leaves. I don't know why, because he doesn't even speak to us, but we need to obey, sadly. We need to keep the act going and pretend we are just a normal happy family. But were are not. We will never be. Not without mom.

Sometimes I feel I'm hard in my dad. I know he's trying to be better, everything is new to him. Before mom left, we only saw him a few times a week and only for a couple of hours. And suddenly he's stuck with us for good, so that sure isn't easy. He has never truly been a dad, he never really lived with us or anything, and all I give him since we moved together is problems so all we do is fight. Lucky, Cisco is always there to calm things down so we don't kill each other. I think dads really likes him a lot better than me, but I understand that. He's kind, respectful and never really has anything bad to say. He always seems to see the good side of everything. I like him more than I like myself, too. I wish I could be as positive as him.

I'm still in my pajamas, so I throw a plain shirt and some shorts on and go down stairs. My dad and Cisco are already sitting at the table in silence while the listening to the news in the TV. They are already eating, so I guess I'm late. Great.

''You know you have to be up and ready for breakfast in time, Caitlin. You can't make us wait for you.'' My dad said in his typical cold tone, while getting up to get his things for work. He's a doctor, and lucky he got a good job in a hospital here so he will be working all day like he used to. That makes me kind of happy, because at least I won't have to stand is indifference all day. I'm pretty sure he is happy we won't have to deal with us that much, too. I sigh and sit next to my brother, smiling at him and whispering a little ''good morning'' before grabbing a bold of cereal and milk, since I don't know I can't stomach eggs and bacon right now. I'm not really feeling like eating anything at all.

My dad comes back to the kitchen after a few minutes, ready to go. ''Just because you didn't go to school today doesn't mean you will be all day inside doing nothing. I want you to at least get some fresh air.'' I rolled my eyes, playing with my food. ''Especially you, Caitlin. You are getting paler and paler. You should go outside and be in the sun for a little while.'' and with that, he's out. I hear the car speeding off, and I feel kind of relieve. Though I know he's right. It's been a while since I just went outside to enjoy the day. I've been spending my days in my room the last few months, and that's not really healthy. Not that I really care about my heath, but I don't like to look like a ghost either.

''Caitlin, Caitlin, look!'' My brother excited voice takes me out of my world, and I see him pointing to the TV with a big smile on his face.

 _Our hero, The Flash, is never late when it comes to save lives! Last night, a man intentionally started a fire with the intent of killing his wife, but the whole building got caught in the flames and soon a lot of lives were in danger. But lucky The Flash got everybody out in time and no one got hurt._

 _The flash, what would we do without him?_

''Isn't he amazing, Cait? I wish I could have super powers just like him!'' Cisco said, getting up his chair and throwing a punch to the air. I let out a little laugh, rolling my eyes.

Don't get me wrong, I think that what The Flash does is admirable, but I'm not as interested in him as everybody seems to be. Maybe is because I don't care about anything anymore.

''You are pretty amazing even without super powers, Cisco.'' I said as I get up of my chair, letting a little kiss on his check. I didn't eat a lot of my breakfast, but I don't think I will even if I stay in the table. ''I'm going to sit outside for a while. Call me if you need anything, okay?''

As I open the front door, a cold air hit my face. I didn't even notice it was raining until now. I guess I won't get, but I like rain better. I sit in the little stairs of my porch, letting the rain drops fall on me. I always loved to feel the rain in my skin. I remember my mom used to take me to the park in rainy days just to play under it together while no one was around. I always got sick, but I was worth it. I close my eyes for some minutes, imagining I'm with her, swinging in the

When I open my eyes, I immediately notice a boy at the other side of the street who wasn't there before. He caught my attention. He is really tall, so tall that I would probably look really tiny by his side, even when I'm kind of tall myself. Gorgeous brown hair, amazing body and the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. Just watching him smile makes me want to do it too, but I resist. He is walking dogs and carries a bag. Those kind of bags that people carry around when they go to the gym or play sports. I feel like I'm hypnotized with him, though I frown thinking what is he doing outside. I mean, who walks the dogs in a rainy day? I guess he likes the rain, too. Suddenly, he looks at me, like he felt somebody was watching him, and I quickly look down, pretending I was just looking at my hands. I hope the distance is enough so him doesn't notice the blushing in my cheeks. I stay with my head down for a while before lifting my head again to see if he was still there. He was still looking and me and this time, my eyes involuntary connects with his blue ones. I feel my heart speeding like never before. Is like everything around us disappear, and all I see is him. But in only last a few seconds, because I see a really pretty girl, with a beautiful dark skin and getting out of one of the house and calling for him. He immediately breaks out eye contact to look at her, with a smile in his face. The both of them start to walk together, and he throws a one last look at me before disappearing in the distance.


End file.
